What to Expect in a Divorce Case as a Stay-at-Home Mom

While women are making a comeback in the workplace, and there has been an obvious decrease in the number of stay-at-home mothers over the past several decades, it is still a fairly common family structure with more than one-quarter of American mothers staying at home, according to a recent Pew Research Center analysis. 

A new survey by Salary.com gathered “a handful of jobs that reflect a day in the life of a mom” and estimated that the median annual salaries of stay-at-home mothers are $162,581. However, Zip Recruiter states that the average annual salary for a stay at home mom in New York is a little over $54,000. Women who stay at home play a vital role in the family, and they sacrifice much more than a career and social life.

Regardless of the estimated salaries, when it comes to divorce, a stay-at-home mom has no physical paycheck and, more often than not, less financial power in the relationship. If you are facing a situation that sounds similar to this, know that you have options. Mothers can often rely on both child and spousal support during and after a divorce.

How Can Stay at Home Mom’s Prepare for Divorce? 

Start by setting up appointments for free consultations our divorce attorneys at Kepanis Law Firm to learn about your rights and how to proceed. You're entitled to roughly half of the marital assets and you can access them for your legal bills. Your attorney can obtain copies of all the financial documents as part of the divorce, and you may be entitled to temporary or long-term alimony. In addition, child support in the State of New York is determine based upon both parents’ incomes, therefore, this will need to be defined and discussed. 

Expected Spousal Support Amount for Stay-at-Home Mothers

There are various levels of spousal support, also known as maintenance, for homemakers during and after a divorce. During a divorce, an individual might obtain temporary spousal support to pay for necessities in the midst of a divorce.

The amount of spousal support a stay-at-home mom obtains in a divorce is dependent on each spouse’s finances and a stay-at-home mother’s financial needs. The likelihood that a mother will receive spousal support is also dependent on her age, health, and employability. 

For instance, if a stay-at-home mom has not received a degree or upper level education, she has a higher likelihood of obtaining long-term spousal support. This is less likely for the mothers who had a degree but decided to stay at home with the children instead of building a career.

If you are a stay-at-home mom in New York, The Kepanis Law Firm, P.C. can help with your divorce. Send us a message online to request assistance with your divorce proceedings or other area of family law. 

4 Common Divorce Mistakes to Avoid

Divorce is relatively common in American society, which makes many people assume the process is easy to do. However, it's a lot easier to start a marriage than it is to end one. So many people going through a divorce can find themselves overwhelmed with legal issues they have to navigate along with all of the emotional issues that come with getting a divorce. Often, people make things worse on themselves by making errors that come back to haunt them later. Here are four common divorce mistakes to avoid and why you should get help from divorce professionals like The Kepanis Law Firm, P.C. to help.  

Trying to Do It On Your Own

Many people think getting a divorce is as simple as filling out a few forms. While there are simplified divorce procedures that couples can use, they can put you at a disadvantage later. Simplified divorce skips over many of the issues that couples debate in court and leaves them with an already completed agreement. When you agree to an uncontested divorce in New York, you are attesting that your and spouse and you have already made arrangements for the separation, and that a trial is not necessary. Once you agree to these terms, you are bound by them unless you can prove in court, at a later date, that a substantial change in circumstances has occurred. Depending on your situation, these terms could be excellent for you, or they could be detrimental. You need legal representation during a divorce to make sure you are not making a huge mistake in your rush to get the process finished. 


Disregarding Court Orders

Divorce is a significant change in your life because, during the divorce, many major decisions for your family are dictated by the court.  However, court orders must be obeyed. Not following court orders and/or disregarding the advice of the judge will only make your situation worse. You could be held in contempt of court, thrown in jail, ordered to pay fines, ordered to pay your spouse's attorney's fees, or subjected to whatever other punishment the court believes is warranted under the circumstances.  Remember, this is the same judge that will be overseeing your divorce proceedings. Disrespecting their authority by disobeying court orders is not to your advantage. Remember that this situation is temporary and that you will adjust to the new status quo in time. 


Removing Money from a Joint Account

When people are going through a divorce, they often worry about the money in their joint bank account. This concern may be understandable, but it is not an excuse to withdraw large sums of money from a joint account. It is still a joint account. Unilaterally removing large amounts of money from your bank account is an easy and effective way to shoot yourself in the foot during a divorce proceeding. Once your spouse notices (and they will notice), the judge could order an injunction that freezes all of your accounts. You will probably be required to return all of the money and there may be some punitive measures as well. Similarly, hiding money is equally dangerous. If you get caught, and the odds are you will, it will end up costing you far more than if you were upfront and honest.


Not Paying Attention to Taxes

When considering how much money you should receive in a divorce settlement, it is vital that you take taxes into consideration. Not paying attention to tax consequences before you are divorced is one of the biggest divorce mistakes you can make. Without planning for taxes, it is likely that the amount of money you actually receive in your divorce settlement is dramatically different from what you expected. To prevent any surprises, run the numbers by an accountant or your divorce financial planner before agreeing to a final settlement.

As you can see, there are many ways that people going through a divorce can make the process worse because they do not understand the law and they allow their emotions to guide their actions. Having a divorce lawyer puts someone in your corner to ensure that you are getting a fair deal and that you do not do anything costly. 

If you need help with divorce law in New York, The Kepanis Law Firm, P.C. can help. Send us a message online to request assistance with your divorce proceedings or other area of family law. 

The Family Business

How spouses handle a divorce can determine the success or failure of a family business. A family business is often the most valuable asset in a couple's estate, and therefore the subject of heated disputes. Family businesses often have emotional as well as financial value to spouses, who may resist any action threatening the business. In the case of acrimonious divorces, one spouse may deliberately sabotage the business to spite the other.

Safeguarding the Business

The best strategy in the face of a divorce is business as usual. If you’re the business manager, refrain from making any business decisions based on the divorce. Nor is a divorce the time to start new ventures or expand the business. It may be tempting to make decisions that lower the value of the business in the hopes of negotiating a better divorce settlement. Divorce attorneys in New York (or anywhere else) would tell you this is a self-defeating strategy. If the Court gets wind of your actions, the Judge may appoint a receiver to manage the business until the divorce is finalized. This leads to hefty receiver fees and you temporarily lose control of your business.

Whether one or both spouses manage the company, it may be necessary to put the business in trust. This prevents one spouse from selling the business to cause the other pain or financial loss.

If you are the “out-spouse,” who has no say in the business, let the other spouse run the business without interference unless you have evidence he or she is deliberately damaging the business. The less the divorce affects daily business activities, the better.

Estimating Business Value

Most divorce lawyers recommend hiring a reputable business analyst to judge the value of a family business. The "out-spouse" may be tempted to overestimate the business value to gain a better settlement while the managing spouse could try to undervalue business assets. An independent business valuation provides an impartial judgment on business worth. Again, “business as usual” should be the mantra for both spouses. Do not try to influence the valuation by changing business habits: a professional business analyst will notice sudden changes in business practices, which could negatively affect you in court.

Divorce, Child Custody and Business Creditors

Whenever possible, keep divorce proceedings private and isolated from business contacts. Creditors, suppliers and clients get very jumpy if they think a divorce will affect business. The result could be loss of revenue and a decrease in the business's ability to generate credit. For this reason, the managing spouse should provide critical business information to the other spouse. Not only does this foster trust during a difficult time, it helps prevent word of the divorce spreading. Without access to information, the out-spouse and attorney may dig for information by contacting creditors, suppliers and partners. Once a creditor knows your spouse has hired a lawyer, the creditor is going to factor that information into his or her business decisions.

Ultimately, in almost all cases, both spouses want the family business to succeed and survive the divorce. As such, you may be able to reach an amicable agreement by balancing the value of the business against other assets in the estate.

Divorce support groups

Divorce produces a wide range of emotions. Although some people experience relief and a newfound feeling of freedom, anger, grief and guilt are more common reactions to a failed marriage. A divorce can also leave you without your old support group. Old friends who built their relationship with you and your spouse may feel uncomfortable dealing with you as an individual or take sides with your spouse and blame you for the break-up. Dealing with the emotional trauma of divorce by yourself can be overwhelming. Divorce recovery support groups offer a chance to meet people who share your experiences.

Advantages of a Support Group

While some people can deal with emotional trauma alone, most people heal faster with support. Members of a divorce recovery support group share your experience. They understand your pain and the conflicted feelings arising from divorce. After months of working with divorce lawyers, it’s comforting to met people who can relate.

Support groups allow you to express your feelings, including anger and pain, in a safe environment. Group members can offer suggestions to help you move on after divorce. As your involvement in the group grows, you may find yourself offering advice to other members, which can be an empowering experience.

Choosing a Support Group

Some divorce support groups are small, informal meetings run by volunteers or group members. Such groups may be free and often have open attendance policies. Others are therapy groups moderated by a professional therapist. Therapy groups usually charge fees and have mandatory attendance requirements.

If you're looking for an informal, “drop-in” environment where you can chat and connect with other divorcees, community recovery groups may be right for you. Therapy groups have the advantage of a trained professional leading the group, guiding discussion and actively developing the skills and emotional state needed for recovery.

Look for a group that meets your needs. Some groups have a religious foundation, while others model themselves on 12-step programs. Some groups are for men or women only, while others include both sexes. All have their strengths and weaknesses.

Sometimes support group meetings leave people feeling drained and upset. This is a natural part of the healing process. If you discover you end meetings with negative feelings on a regular basis, however, consider looking for a group with a more uplifting atmosphere.

Children and Divorce

Children, especially young children, often blame themselves for their parent's divorce. They also feel guilt, anger and anxiety. In cases where one parent gains sole custody, children may blame him or her for denying them access to the other parent or feel anger towards parents who no longer live with them.

Children’s divorce recovery support groups help children express these emotions. A good children’s support group teaches appropriate outlets for emotions and offers coping skills for dealing with divorce.

Same Sex Divorce Support

Same sex divorce in New York and other locations is a natural result of increased same sex marriage. As with straight relationships, a certain percent of same sex marriages will fail. Same sex couples dealing with divorce may be uncomfortable sharing their experiences in “straight” support groups. While same-sex divorce recovery groups are not common, but they are becoming easier to find, especially in large urban centers. Contact local gay and lesbian community services to ask about

Support groups in your area.

People in isolated rural areas or small towns may not have access to local support groups. In such cases, online divorce recovery groups are available. If you opt for an online support group, research the group’s reputation and choose one with a moderator who prevents trolling or offensive comments.

The three ring circus of celebrity divorces

When handling a legal matter for a celebrity client, especially in the family law arena, an attorney must not only handle the legal strategy, but also take on the Herculean task of being the ringmaster of what usually is a three-ring circus.

The first ring consists of the celebrity themselves. Each celebrity comes with baggage: press, career, public perception. They say that there is no such thing as bad press, but when it comes to the law, there is such a thing as bad press. Public perception of how a celebrity treats their spouse or children can have an effect on the overall outcome of the case as follows - a shining example is the recent case of Kelsey Grammar (“Frasier”) and his wife Camille Grammar (The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills”). When EXTRA or Page 6 ran stories that Kelsey had been seen around town with his new bride-to-be, exclaiming that he could wait to be married to the new Ms. Right, his wife Camille had to have a big smile on her face. Camille had been holding out on a settlement and, unless Kelsey wanted to sift through the quicksand of a prolonged divorce trial, you can bet he was going to give in to her demands. Thusly, had it not been for the press and paparazzi following Kelsey around showing him with his new fiancé, Camille may have settled for less than she received.

Therefore, the second ring of handling a celebrity client is the publicist or public relations firm. Celebrities have publicists. They are a part of the lifestyle — a part of the ‘game’, so to speak. | have a publicist -she is amazing and is the one who books me as a legal analyst on FOX news, WPIX New York, on various radio stations, and a host of other news outlets. However, this is slightly different than a celebrity athlete, rock star, hip-hop artist, or actor/actress. In those cases, these celebrities have an on-screen/on-stage persona and a “real life” image they attempt to maintain. Does art sometimes imitate life, sure, does life sometimes imitate art, yes.

However, it is the publicists job to blur the lines on behalf of their celebrity clients. They want to keep the public perception of their clients as bigger than life, inaccessible, or mysterious. The less ‘real’ information they have out there, the more in control of the situation they feel. Control is what the third ring is all about.

The third ring in the celebrity legal circus is the attorney. Set in the middle, like a Venn diagram, the law firm sits overlapped by the celebrity themselves and their public relations team. Once the attorney puts on the ringmaster hat and cracks the whip, both client and publicist need to listen. Without exertion of control over the legal strategy of the case, especially in a divorce or family law matter, the attorney will become a passive observer, unable to recognize where the strategy is going or, worse yet, allowing the publicist to dictate the words used in the legal pleadings. The attorney, as ringmaster, must be sure to always follow the legal strategy discussed in the initial meeting with the celebrity client. This should also be outlined in detail for the client and publicist so that there is no confusion. Finally, publicists will sometimes want to edit your work as an attorney - do not give into the temptation to feel like you are a part of a celebrity team. You are an attorney for your client, not their publicist. The inverse should be true for press releases the publicist wants to issue regarding your client's case. All press releases regarding the legal matter should definitely be approved by your office. Without such approval, the publicist could state something publicly you wanted kept private, or vice versa, state something you wanted public that they chose to keep private.

Finally, with the advent of social media (i.e. Facebook, Twitter), celebrities are now in direct contact with their fans. This can create a false feeling of familiarity and lead the celebrity to Tweet or update their Facebook friends with news about their legal matters. This must be discussed with a client and you must continually remind a client that not only are his or her fans following them, but likely their spouse's attorneys as well. In the interest of full disclosure, | represented celebrity clients. My experiences have been genuinely rewarding. However, that is not to say representing celebrity clients is for everyone, you must be able to keep the proverbial show running smoothly, tame the lions, and watch out for the clowns.

I'm pregnant, it's not yours, but you're the father

A New York woman decided, over her husband's vociferous protests, to get artificially inseminated during their marriage. The parties were married in the Mormon faith and their marriage was immediately tumultuous. The wife was physically abusive to her husband. At the same time, she allowed her health to deteriorate by becoming anorexic. She became pregnant with their child, by her husband and, upon giving birth, informed her husband she wanted to become artificially inseminated in an effort to have more children. The husband pleaded with her to not go through with it as he believed their marriage was already rocky enough without adding more children into the situation. Over these objections, the wife was artificially inseminated and became pregnant.

The husband believed, as a Mormon, that he should not get divorced. As such, he remained married to his wife despite knowing she was pregnant via artificial insemination. When the child was born, the wife did not list the husband on the birth certificate and gave the child her maiden name. It was only when the husband felt fearful that the wife could not care for the newborn that he stepped in and assisted, all the while maintaining the child was not his and he would not be responsible for the child.

A few months later, the wife told her husband that she was once again going to get artificially inseminated. The husband objected and pleaded with her to not go through with it. Once again, the wife gave birth and did not list the husband on the birth certificate and gave the newborn child her maiden name. The husband then filed for divorce.

New York law provides that any child born to a married woman via artificial insemination with written consent by her husband and her, shall be deemed the legitimate child of the marriage. The husband argued that his wife and he never saw eye-to-eye and had numerous arguments concerning her unilateral decision to become artificially inseminated. He also argued that he never consented to the artificial insemination either orally or in writing. Finally, he argued that he never intended to accept the wife’s two children born from her being artificially inseminated as his own.

Case closed...? Not so fast. In New York, as in most states, the Court can still hold a husband responsible for the child born during the marriage under the doctrine of equitable estoppel. Basically, this is a fancy way of saying: “Look, we know you are not really the father but, the mother and child have come to rely on you being there, and you never did anything to cause them to think you would not be there for them and so, presto change-o, you are going to be considered the father. Good night and good luck.”

Luckily, herein, the Court made the sensible decision that the husband was not equitably estopped from claiming to not be the father of the two children the wife gave birth to during the marriage via artificial insemination. According to the Court, the husband never encouraged the wife to become artificially inseminated, told her he would never support her or the children, and never held himself out to the public as the children’s father.

The presumption of legitimacy is a doctrine that some think is outdated. In this day and age of artificial insemination, extra-marital affairs leading to pregnancy and the ubiquitous nature of single motherhood, the State’s desire to deem children ‘legitimate’ or ‘out-of-wedlock’ is arcane.

If a child is yours, then it is yours and you should be responsible therefor. If the child is not yours, but the mother of the child is married to you, you should not be held responsible therefor and you should not have to prove a negative to overcome the presumption. If the mother of the child is single and you are not married to her, and the child is not yours, but she tells you it is, and you believe her, and later find out that the child is not yours, the State will basically tell you that you are going to continue to be responsible. This seems outrageous as ‘put for’ the mother’s original lie, the man would never have cared for and developed a relationship with the child. This area of law will likely continue to become more complex with each passing year as tradition clashes with modernity.